The 27 Things to Expect if You’re Expecting a Baby Over Christmas
It’s the most magical time of the year… but add on a pregnancy and woah does that mean double the magic?
Well the same as every Christmas there are ups and downs, it’s just that if you’re expecting a baby as well you can expect at least one or two of the following things to happen during the festivities:
1.You’ve thought about how amazing, disastrous, exciting it would be to actually go into labour on the big day… would Holly, Robin, Eve or Tinsel be suitable names?
2. And then you get all teary thinking of midwives wearing antlers.
3. You’ll be tempted to paint your big tum as a Christmas pudding or a bow-wrapped present, but then remember it’ll look rubbish and you’re best off buying a ‘Santa Baby’ t-shirt instead.
4. The Christmas lunch and office party circuit is absolutely exhausting this year, but everyone insists on seeing the bump before the holidays.
5. No you can’t drink any booze, well maybe you’ll take a sip of something fizzy just to be festive, but you’ll be watching on sadly (or smugly) as everyone else ends up slumped into a tumbler of Baileys at the end of the night.
6. But this does mean you have to deal with all of those relatives, work colleagues and the Christmas shopping completely sober!
7. Also no to runny or mouldy cheese or any raw fish. Put that platter away.
8. But look at the amount of PICKLES on offer. Hand me a spoon.
9. And legitimate reason to hog the tin of Quality Street or Twiglets. They are all MINE!
10. Maternity wear is so forgiving, so go crazy with the double cream. No impending January diet guilt for you.
11. But there is an inordinate amount of heartburn. Best put the mince pies down for a bit.
12. And that herby stuffing smells dreadful – in fact all the perfumes you usually love smell terrible too, don’t buy me any this year.
13. Every Christmas TV ad makes you cry, buckets. Every single time and every single one.
14. And you can’t listen to Smooth Christmas without having to wipe away a tear when Chris Rea comes on. ‘Oh I can’t wait to see those faces…’ Sob.
15. Oh and Home Alone ain’t ever happening to your baby. What was that mother thinking?
16. Everyone tells you knowingly that Christmas really is about the children and that you’ve got it all to look forward to.
17. But then remind you just how expensive kids are at Christmas. Thanks.
18. And someone with grown-up offspring will drunkenly flutter around you all broody and declare it’s a magical time to be expecting.
19. But then your naughty uncle or neighbour will make a joke about the virgin birth and immaculate conception.
20. You may want to help with the veg peeling and washing up but everyone is completely fine when you decide you also want to sit down and put your swollen feet up too.
21. You’ll probably get first dibs on the TV remote too. Win!
22. And don’t fancy going round to those boring neighbours again this year? Just blame nausea or your bad back and stay home.
23. Every present you get will really be for the new baby. Yep – everything you unwrap will have some connection to the pregnancy – be it a relaxing candle, stretch mark skin butters or a subscription to ‘Mother & Child’ magazine.
24. Baby it’s cold outside, but not for you! Your pregnant body is boiling. I know it’s snowing but won’t someone open a window?
25. Your boobs look ridiculously huge in a Christmas jumper.
26. You can’t help but buy one of those ‘My First Christmas’ bibs or Elf themed babygros that are everywhere. Because you know – this time next year…
27. And you’ll secretly wrap your hands around your bump and wish your little one a Merry Christmas when no one is looking.